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Private: Hestia )

The mark is burning. I would come if I could.

Has the hospital become overrun with bunnies and rainbows in my absence?

forward-dated to monday afternoon

[hexed from Hestia]
STIMSON. Since you're not here and I can't yell at you in person, I thought you;d like to know one of your former long-term patients decided to kick off today. He was annoying anyway. Mr. Walters. Maybe if you'd stuck around, you could have saved him. I suppose it's just another example of the rebels killing innocent people with their crusade for "righteousness." And no, I'm not just trying to make you feel bad. I can send you a souvenir from the autopsy if you want proof.

Another mark against you idiot Order people. Do you like seeing your families suffer? Does it make you feel like martyrs by extension? Look at the Weasleys. The smart one and the idiot one who thinks he's funny are both currently enslaved. Now, I know none of you ever really liked the sharp one because he made you all feel like the dimwits you are, but I figured the twin would at least miss the other and, I don't know, give the professor back so the person who shares chromosomes with him didn't DIE. Though, I guess that's why there are so many Weasleys. It makes them good cannon fodder. I guess the twins are the best sacrifice of all since there's a spare built in already.

Apparently Madam Fussypants in room 213 thinks that just because she donates money that she can have me fired.

She would be wrong. And just because she has money does not mean I am above switching her heart potions for laxatives. Lots and lots of laxatives.

I have also recently conducted an experiment. While walking through the very crowded waiting room during the loathsome, boring hours of ER duty, I decided to make up an epidemic. A terrible, terrible disease called Chronic Potion-Resistant Dysfunctivitis. The symptoms include enlarged eyeballs, uncontrollable foot tapping, runny nose, itchy skin, split ends of the hair, oddly coloured toenails, debilitating cramps of the lower abdomen, labored breathing, frequent coughs and hearing everything louder than it truly is.

Apparently if you call anything "chronic" and a "deadly epidemic" and then list the symptoms loudly enough and in a harried, loud manner as if talking about a patient (or fifteen) who have recently been taken to the morgue, you can not only invent a disease, but infect a good seventy people with it in a matter of minutes.

My favorite was the man who came in with a broken toe and demanded to be admitted to intensive care because his eyes felt too big for his face.

Idiots are annoying, and yet fun to play with.

Blonde welcome witch, do me a favor and send them all down to the basement. Say that the treatment is best done within a short distance of the morgue to ease transport postmortem.

[Private: Hestia]
It's been a few days since I've heard from you. Are you still all right?

I'd like to see you.

Journal hacked by Dahlia

[written in green crayon and in seven-year-old handwriting style]

I built a snowman today his name was Milton Adams and he was soooo tall. I could not reach his head so daddy had to put it up there and he picked me up so I could stick his nose on and it was fun. I wanted to make another snow man but daddy said it was too cold and my ears were getting numb so he made me go inside and sit by the fire and drink chocolate. He does not know i have his book though HA HA

I am going to go look under the tree for my boxes and see if I can know what I got.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

If the rest of you could put off on getting injured out of stupidity for the next few days until the hospital has cleared out a bit, it would be much appreciated. We have real patients to treat. Patients who got hurt in battle rather than trying out new beauty charms and accidentally singing off their lips.

I am boycotting charts.

[Ridiculously private: Hestia]
Are you keeping your promises?

[Andromeda]
How is he doing? And how are you?

Dahlia has decided that she doesn't do math. She says that's what the counting people are for, whatever that means. We had gotten over the hurdle of simple addition and subtraction, but when we tried the two digit numbers, she told me she was finished with mathematics because she's going to be a ballerina when she grows up, and ballerinas don't have to know math, just music. And then she put a tutu on the kitty and told the tutor to shush up and go home.

I tried to explain to her why math is important, but I couldn't think of any reasons, really. None that would translate to a seven-year-old. Any ideas?

Private: Hestia )

[Private: Jones]
Have you lost your mind entirely? Salazar, talking to Skeeter of all people. You really do have a goddamn death wish, don't you?

[Private: Charlie Weasley]
Your friend is an absolute idiot. You're going to have to lock her up somewhere before she gets herself killed.

While I've found the television to be an interesting device over the years, I'm afraid it's time to get rid of it. My seven-year-old just asked me for a Blackberry. I didn't think much of it, except it was odd that she was asking me for a berry that she doesn't even particularly like. She quickly informed me that, no, she wants a Blackberry PHONE. NEver mind the fact that we don't even have a telephone in the house--why would we, when we've got floo chat and owls? Temper tantrums are unpleasant. Very loud things. We're going to start reading more book in the Rosier household. She seems to be over the great Blackberry riot of 2002. She's dressed in her princess clothes playing with her kneazle. Crisis averted.

[Private: Andromeda Tonks]
I think I'm losing my mind.

It appears there is some confusion. If a person has posted a sign that says "NOT IN THE OFFICE, FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO ANSWER YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS," it means they are, most likely, not in the office and that you should find someone else to answer your stupid questions. If you see said person actually in their office by peeking through the drawn window coverings on the office door like a stalker, they still do not want to answer your stupid questions.

You can keep knocking. I'm not answering. I'm busy doing my job. You should try it.

Oh, and Mediwitch with the bad dye job and the tattoo on your left breast. If I can see the hideous cherries you had ironically inked on your bosom, your top is cut entirely too low. And, just as a side note, if you can see the dimples on your rear end through the fabric of your skirt, it's probably too tight. For the love of Merlin, go home and change. You're making the patients sicker.

No, person in room 212. I will not give you more pain medication. A tranquilizer, however, could be arranged, as I am moments from requiring narcotics of my own from hearing your constant complaints.

Private: Hestia )

Private: Penelope/Lansing )

Idiots.

I really, really despise treating idiots. Currently, I've been thrown a handful of England's best and brightest of the wizarding world. I don't exactly know what happened to my research position, but we're too understaffed at the moment to waste a single person. I'm actually having to see patients, which is on my list of my least favourite things to do, above getting my hand bitten by a Gringott's goblin and below being clubbed to death by a troll.

Currently I have a patient suffering from the 3P's. Pills, Permissiveness and Promiscuity. In layman's terms, she has slept around sooo much in her twenty three years on this earth that she has the most impressive list of sexually transmitted diseases i have ever seen in my life. They are also all quite disgusting. There's also a pureblooded patient who managed to get acute lead posioning--that is, he was shot in the thigh in a muggle bar because he got drunk and called some man's wife a mudblood. Muggles don't need to know what insults mean in order to draw their weapons, apparently.

We've just admitted someone who had an AGA--Acute Gravity Attack. She was drunk and fell off of the curb in front of her flat. What an embarrassing way to rupture your spleen. She talks too much. Actually, she screeches. I'm about to take on an agressive treatment regimen that involves applying a pillow to face, and repeating as necessary. There's also a kid who looks like a banana. Someone who was kinder would refer to this phenomenon as jaundice, but I prefer to say "off to see banana boy" when I'm forced to walk to his room.

And this bloody idiot I'm staring at right now is convinced he has Mad Thestral Disease. I think he's just full of hippogriff dung.

[Hestia]
How are you healing up? I haven't heard from you in a while and... well. You know.

Who: Hestia and Lansing
Where: Lanse's second home in Wales
When: Saturday morning
Why: Hestia's an idiot
Rating: PG13 probably, for language

Hestia Jones seemed bound and determined to drive Lansing into an early grave )</>

[Private: Inner Circle]
I've arranged meetings over the next several days with contacts in the Balkan region. I'll be leaving tomorrow. If there are any specific requests as to points I should bring up with said contacts, let me know.
[/End]

[Private: Penelope]
How does a trip out of the country sound?
[/End]

[Private: Hestia]
I haven't heard from you in awhile. I've been worried. Are you still in one piece, at least?
[/End]

Supposedly, the longest anyone has survived without sleep is 10 days. That's 240 hours. Actually, the record was somewhere between 10 and 11 days, but I can't be arsed to look up and copy down the exact figure because I'm too tired. If you ask me, that's absolutely false. I've been up for 5 days, 13 hours and 45 minutes and if I had to double that, I would hex myself to death, but only after i hexed every single incompetent hospital employee in my path.

I think I need a list of things that become more annoying when one is sleep deprived. Doing these things in my presence might result in homicidal urges that simply cannot be contained.

Things that will make me kill you right now.
(don't worry, good patients, I would most certainly get off on charges of temporary insanity. I'd just be a slightly more psychologically medicated doctor)

1. Chewing gum loudly. Is it truly NECESSARY to make those horrible little smacking noises? Really, your mother should have taught you to chew your non-nutritional snacks with your mouth shut.
2. Tapping those ridiculous fake nails on the counter. Yes, I'm talking about you, Daria. They're too long, they're very impractical for work, and paired with those ridiculous stilettos that you insist upon clacking around in, you look like a prostitute.
3. Asking stupid questions. Yes, "Should I run a diagnostic panel on him?" is a stupid question. The answer is always yes if they're sick and you don't know what's wrong with them. "Is that normal?" Is another one. If you're asking me, the answer is NO. To speak you young people's language--DUH.
4. SPILLING COFFEE ON THE FLOOR OF MY OFFICE because "Oh MERLIN, I didn't think you'd BE here!" It's MY OFFICE and I'm ALWAYS HERE. If I'm not there is no reason for you to be here.
5. Asking me "Are you all right, Healer Rosier?" Do I look like I'm all right? I have bags under my eyes the size of Eurasia and my patients are dying.
7. The smell of green apple candy. Do not eat that nasty shit around me.
9.

Never mind. The patients that have survived are stable, we've found treatment that's working. It's time for me to take a vacation. I'm sure you gum-chewing, stupid-question asking, green-apple candy eating experts can handle it without me until Thursday or Friday. Try not to make too many stupid mistakes. And you can try to owl me, but it won't reach me. Those who need to contact me will be given the appropriate means to do so. The rest of you can use this as an exercise in self-sufficiency.

Private: Penelope/Lansing )

People are dying and you ask for a personal day? The details of how badly you need a massage and how you've been on a waiting list for this 'physical therapist' for eight months do not interest me. What interests me are the eighteen patients that would die if all of the healers in this place were as self-centered and whiny as you are. I would fire you in a heartbeat if I didn't need all the hands I can get here right now. You'd better prove that you can function without a massage or you're gone at the end of the week and I'll make sure you can't get hired as a janitor at a free clinic in Namibia.

Private: Ande )

Clearwater, how are the children doing? I haven't gotten over to pediatrics today yet.

I haven't slept in days. Therefore, the list of things that annoy me has grown exponentially longer. If you value your life, don't speak to me until I get some rest.

Private: Bellatrix )

Private: Penelope/Lansing )

Another late night at Mungo's. Now we've five patients exhibiting much the same symptoms. Gastrointestinal distress, some are getting worse. It looks like the first patient who came in isn't going to live until dinnertime tonight unless whatever God they do or don't believe in steps in on his behalf.

And for the record, redheaded intern on the night shift yesterday-- if you are afraid of getting sick, you're sort of in the wrong profession. With the mental capacity you've displayed thus far, I recommend something more like "House Elf Supervisor." They won't make you cry by telling you how stupid you are. They also won't vomit on you and send you into a fit of hypochondria.

Go home. Forever.

Clearwater, I'm going to need you to watch Dahlia again tonight. I'll be pulling another shift again.

Private: Bellatrix )

Private: Hestia )

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